general ramblings about mental health at university

Having been a semi-successful university student for a year and a half now, I have some thoughts. Not only about what university has meant for me/done for me, but about growing up in general I guess. I'm halfway through my second year now and I should be revising instead of writing this but I said  I was gonna write something every week and damn it I am going to.

Number one - you're on your own kid.
I mean I know it's kinda obvious when you go to university, you're suddenly away from your home, your family, your friends and familiar surroundings. But it didn't really hit me until I shut the door to my tiny little room last year after saying bye to my parents. I turned round, looked at the bare walls and my belongings (that didn't look right out of my bedroom at home)...and burst into tears. Anyone who knows me knows I am such a home-bird and being away suddenly felt like I'd made a huge mistake. I wasn't ready to live independently!

As it turns out, I was ready to live independently and it's all just nerves taking over. I had lovely flatmates (well bar one but we won't talk about him) and everyone is in the same boat. Talk to people, ask for help and breathe deeply if it's getting too much.

Number two - mental health and self-care
I've always been an anxious person  - I worry too much, I stress about very trivial things and I'm very paranoid when it comes to friendships, I don't really know why. But it was during the first term at university, things started to get quite bad. I became afraid to leave my little room in my flat essentially due to the fear something would go wrong in public. I had been diagnosed with stress-related IBS ...so when I had a bad flare-up in a lecture (essentially it was a horrendous stomach cramp that left me feeling like I was gonna throw up everywhere) my brain started to associate my stomach issues to lectures. Therefore lectures became a scary place to be. Which then latched itself onto any public place ... the shops, seminars, where I volunteered. It was scary and unfamiliar to me. I shut myself away a lot of the time which didn't help. Eventually I went to the doctor who referred me to a counsellor. I was told I had agoraphobia - the fear of public spaces - as well as some general anxiety that reinforced it. It sounds dumb I know but it was nice to put a name to the thing that had been bothering me for a long time. After two months of working on this, I began to feel better. I could tell the voice in my head to shut up, that I was fine, nothing bad was going to happen. I began to enjoy my studies again.

Mental health is so bloody important, never ever neglect it. If you need to spend a day eating junk food and watching crappy tv, you do it. Forget your deadlines (not completely tho) and take care of yourself. Have a bath, read a book, even just going for a walk may help clear your hand and calm you down. I'd never really had to look after myself in such a way before but now I know it's super-important that you take breaks. If I'm getting overwhelmed, it's time to go to talk to my housemate or watch a YouTube video or listen to a song. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE A DELIGHT OKAY <3

Number three-  nightlife
Due to the whole 'I-don't-like-public-spaces' thing, I really hate nightclubs. Give me a cider and a pub quiz any day of the week instead of having to pay stupid entry fees to be squished up against drunk strangers. I don't really drink as it is, I know my limits and I very rarely go beyond them. University if you don't drink (or don't drink that much) is kinda weird as it's a thing everyone does.  I don't like going out, it's just not my thing. But that's okay, you'll find like-minded people. Even if you don't and a lot of your friends do like going out (which mine do) you'll find they won't really judge you for it. I may have been lucky in this sense however so don't take my word for it. It's all a case of you do you I think. I won't judge you for going out as long as you don't judge me for not. This works probs 99% of the time. Yes this does tie into mental health.... because you gotta do stuff you enjoy, you can't just force yourself into situations cause you think it's what others do. That's only gonna lead to you feeling worse. I can promise that.

There is probably more I could go into but I think I'll save some stuff for another blogpost...
see ya next week.
Laura x

I CAN'T WRITE PERSONAL STATEMENTS - a ramble about my life

So if you're like me, you are 17, got your AS results (and if you're really like me, you are incredibly annoyed with yourself over them) and are now just stressing about life and the ominous 'future'.

And the truth is.... I am terrified.

Generally, I'm a postive person- I'd like to think I spend quite a lot of time making sure my friends are happy and not feeling down. I give them advice that I ought to take myself but I just can't think straight when it comes to me.

The way I'm going writing a personal statement, passing my A2's and getting into a decent uni seem virtually impossible at the moment. If you add loving but pressuring parents, ill grandparents and low self-esteem on top of that, I feel overwhelmed. While I can't decide if this is due to my own feelings or the British schooling system, it is likely it is a mixture of both.
I've spent the last 24 hours thinking what the hell am I going to do? I'm never going to amount to anything, I'm never going to pass anything....etc.

However. Nearly everyone I know is possibly in the same boat. This is our final year of school that has suddenly got here very quickly. We're all scared. We all probably don't know what we are going to do in the future. We all know we have a hard year ahead.

So this is essentially a post to say.... let's be scared together.
A piece of paper with some letters on it does not define you and I need to remember that.  I think a lot of us need to remember that.

I realise this hasn't been coherant but whatever. Share thoughts with me if you have them on this matter :)
Laura x